Getting Rid of the "What If's?"

Last week I was visiting my Dad back in Illinois. It’s been several months since my Mom passed away and going home brings back a lot of memories, both happy and sad. Last summer I actually braved visiting her grave because many had told me it would bring closure, but at that time, closure was the last feeling I experienced.
However on my latest visit, I decided to return to the cemetery. I had a lot of unanswered questions and maybe God would reveal the answers in some divine way. Perhaps the sky would be filled with singing angels, or butterflies would be circling my mother’s memorial. I went from feeling reluctant to somewhat anxious with wonder.
When I finally arrived, I looked around and saw nothing. It must have been wishful thinking that God would do something amazing. I decided to sit down in front of her memorial and drink my coffee. The grounds of the cemetery, surrounded by trees were carpeted with fallen leaves of every color. As I sat quietly, it would have been easy to go through all of my “what if's” with God. Perhaps part of the grieving process is wondering if the outcome could have been different. Human logic asks “why” because we base our level of intellect on knowing all the answers. But at what point does human intellect become ignorance? Perhaps it’s when we discover that many of the answers to life’s questions are beyond our comprehension. I have a friend whose mother died three years ago and she is still living in a state of “what if’s.” Eventually we must turn to our faith and trust God’s sovereignty over our lives. With a strong foundation of faith, we accept the fact that things happen as part of God’s purpose for our lives. His purpose is always for the good and a deeper faith ends our desire to know all of life’s answers, while teaching us to seek God in both good and bad times.
Up in the sky, a hawk was circling above me. Perhaps he thought I was road kill. He eventually flew away seemingly disappointed that my time had not yet come. God still had a purpose for me on this earth, and the questions I was asking were irrelevant in discovering His Will for my life.
As I got up to leave, a deep sense of peace and joy overcame me. The peace was from knowing it’s ok to have unanswered questions, and the joy I felt was from believing my mother is healed and celebrating eternal life that has been promised to the Christian believer.
This holiday season, I pray for those who have lost loved ones and continue to ask the “what if’s.” My hope is the hearts of those grieving will turn to God who holds the gift of peace freely offered to those who seek Him. Instead of longing to know the "what if's, let’s choose to seek a deeper relationship with our Heavenly Father. Reading and studying His Word provides all of life's answers that we really need to know.


"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
(Romans 8:38-39)